tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-218030362024-03-13T02:31:48.767-04:00New Rules...Same GameThe game of life never changes, but as I have aged, I now play by different rules....this is my new agenda....Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-74004583593831124612024-02-29T23:47:00.006-05:002024-03-01T00:27:26.740-05:002024...Already?<p> Time seems to slip by if you don't pay attention. I'm still in Maryland. I'm still trying to be purposeful with my connections. I have been doing things that make me happy, even when others don't agree or understand. </p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><br /></p><p>I love my new job. Back in 2022, I told you I was getting a new job. I actually had 2 on the table at the same time. Right before I was going to change Agencies, my Agency came through with the dream job I wanted and I stayed. I have been thriving in it ever since. </p><p>My dad still lives with me. The hardest thing about that is that as a child and young adult, I had him on a pedestal. I was a daddy's girl. Well, the grown-up me has gotten to know him...I mean really KNOW him as a person and now I realize why my mom divorced him. I'm not going to lie, while I loved my mom, I resented her for him not being a "present parent". I blamed her. He told me she kept us away from him and I realize now, that's a lie. He wasn't there because he didn't want to be. You don't become selfish overnight, so he was always that way. And it sucks to see him fall from the pedestal I had him on all my life. He's toxic. </p><p>I understand that you do the best you can with the tools you are given to be a parent, but you still have to try. Folks love to quote this part of the Bible about the parent child relationship: </p><p><i>1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2βHonor your father and mother,β which is the first commandment with promise: 3βthat it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.β</i></p><p>but they forget to read on because <b>AND</b> is a conjunction. </p><p><i>4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.</i></p><p>To me, the Amplified says it best: </p><p><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>4 <span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;">Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.</span></i></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></i></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;">As parents, we have an obligation to treat our children right, especially if we are expecting them to hold us in high esteem. </span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;">Anyway, next subject. I am getting older. I'm at the age where I am losing my friends. We are 54 this year and I have lost a few friends to heart attacks. One of my good friends from high school just told me he needs a heart transplant, they want to put him on the list. He followed it up with "But I don't think I want to do that." I remember looking up to the "aunties" and "uncles" but now, that's us. The older we get, the smaller our circle becomes.</span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;">Talk to you again soon.</span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;">Thanks for reading. </span></span><span class="ChapterContent_label__R2PLt ChapterContent_verse-clickable__WZ8OD" style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; border: 0px solid; box-sizing: border-box; color: #777a7b; display: inherit; font-family: Inter; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 5px 0px 0px; padding: inherit; position: relative; text-indent: 18px; top: -0.6em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #121212; font-size: 18px;"><i>MzNewy</i></span></span></p>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-41435155066874014432022-05-09T15:26:00.004-04:002022-05-09T18:36:35.893-04:00Mother's Day...Again<p> I absolutely hate Mother's Day. π₯</p><p><span></span></p><a name='more'></a>I get a knot in the pit of my stomach the entire week leading up to it. I try to stay out of the stores. I don't want to see the cards and flowers. I know it has been 11 years this October, but you never really get over losing your mom. But there is another reason I dislike Mother's Day. May 9, 2011, the day after Mother's Day, the doctor's confirmed that my mother had Stage IV pancreatic cancer. <p></p><p>We had a very complicated relationship. I think that is what I regret most. I had my mom for 41 years. 41 Mother's Days. 41 Thanksgivings. 41 Birthdays. 41 Christmases. Since she has passed I have had 11 May 29ths, 11 December 25ths, 11 4th Thursdays in November, 11 2nd Sundays in May. Yep...they are now just days to get through...I need to stop existing and learn to live again but I can't. I am in a continual state of grief and regret. Some days, I forget she is gone but I have some unresolved Mommie issues. </p><p>My mom was very critical of me. I felt like I could never do anything right. I was never skinny enough, smart enough, pretty enough...I was just never enough....I think I passed on that criticism to my kids. I'm trying to fix it before it's too late. Parenting the way I was parented. Being hard on them thinking it can push them to be better. Only now, looking back with 52 year old eyes, I realize this is harmful to who they can become. I was staring at this picture</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ31kS1PkzZty5TeHy7YUR8fXT72z2B1jygthq1L0nIH45QxL9QtyALf2W5Hwvn3EduBjdOZTuXqRDb-kBpWsp9ZADvyEly4kdylzQxABafjeyWHJ-eBjly9_QjagqJQJlbLEOeqW4fUYDUecy27Rw5vr4l24kGyFeQ6qBTWE1MxDqUAAlScA/s1066/image0%20(4).jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="843" data-original-width="1066" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ31kS1PkzZty5TeHy7YUR8fXT72z2B1jygthq1L0nIH45QxL9QtyALf2W5Hwvn3EduBjdOZTuXqRDb-kBpWsp9ZADvyEly4kdylzQxABafjeyWHJ-eBjly9_QjagqJQJlbLEOeqW4fUYDUecy27Rw5vr4l24kGyFeQ6qBTWE1MxDqUAAlScA/s320/image0%20(4).jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>...at that little insecure girl in me that needs mothering, encouragement and healing. I think what bothers me the most is that I never got a chance to ask her why she was so hard on me. Why did she make me feel undeserving of love and encouragement? Why wasn't I worthy of praise? </p><p>On my vision board, I have some healing mantras: </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAdClLKRuBI5wO4y3EY0DRWLGa28CFFFtpR21szeXgMP_-OcJlk4LDWN35Q7SzRXj2Nj79WfH9zR3cjUun0RRwodCJ9DRdYDuCfd2ELS3jR02ITWYx6fxslovc4XvJ4Err5egbw3kwyKAj8qed83kp0jx2HirEHFe718kezgZEfB4Vb0_CzI/s2016/IMG_5940.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAdClLKRuBI5wO4y3EY0DRWLGa28CFFFtpR21szeXgMP_-OcJlk4LDWN35Q7SzRXj2Nj79WfH9zR3cjUun0RRwodCJ9DRdYDuCfd2ELS3jR02ITWYx6fxslovc4XvJ4Err5egbw3kwyKAj8qed83kp0jx2HirEHFe718kezgZEfB4Vb0_CzI/s320/IMG_5940.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>I have to know that I am enough. I have to reprogram myself. One day and one step at a time. <div><br /></div><div>Day 1....again. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I <a href="https://hopeandharshrealities.com/the-day-she-dies/" target="_blank">found this post,</a> and it spoke to me. This is a New Blogger I found Named <a href="https://hopeandharshrealities.com/" target="_blank">Chelsea (Chels)</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks for reading.</div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-family: Pacifico; font-weight: normal;">MzNewy </span></i></h2><div><p><br /></p></div>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-56544830036125107102022-03-10T08:07:00.009-05:002022-03-10T08:22:25.545-05:00Issa Lifestyle<p> What's up, Bloggers?</p><p><b><i>Healthy Choices</i></b></p><p>So back in the day, before my mom passed, I had a low carb high protein lifestyle. I was always satisfied with a little amount of food because protein is satiating. After mom died and the fiasco with the now ex-husband, I was depressed. <span></span></p><a name='more'></a> I started drinking more high carb alcohol like wine and beer...and a lot of it. I also stopped working out as much. Couple all of that with a chronic knee issue that was finally fixed in December 2019. As a result, over the last 10 years I have gained 50 pounds. Uggh. So I looked at myself in the mirror a few months ago and decided to do something about it. I bought a treadmill and started a walking plan. I catch up on my favorite shows while I walk. <p></p><p>I have started feeling better. I still hadn't stopped drinking though....until this week. <a href="http://fortyfourmiracles.blogspot.com/2022/03/day-235.html" target="_blank">Chele</a> inspired me. And I went back to Keto eating. That's all a low-carb lifestyle is. My dad was like "Don't put us on a diet, I don't need to lose weight". π The thing is, the main dishes (the meats) are very tasty and don't taste like a "diet". Besides it's a lifestyle not a diet. I still make carb sides, but<i><b><u> I </u></b></i>don't eat them, they do. I make healthy veggies and filling proteins and only eat about 1200 calories a day. In addition I do a 12/12 fast. So I eat anytime in a set 12 hour window and that is it...working my way to a 8 hour eating window. Starting slow so I can stave off <a href="https://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/keto/flu-side-effects" target="_blank">keto flu symptoms</a>. What is that? Oh I am glad you asked π</p><p>Symptoms of the keto flu and what I do to combat them:</p><p>Fatigue-<i> feeling just plain exhausted. I go to bed early. This helps also stave off nausea</i></p><p>Headache - <i>I would get these when I stopped drinking coffee, but my limited food intake causes me to have TERRIBLE headaches when I first start. So I eat frequent small meals.</i></p><p>Irritability - <i>I already have a low tolerance for bullshyt so don't add hanger (hunger plus anger) pains</i> π. <i> I kind of keep to myself the first few weeks and read/listen to music and blog.</i> </p><p>Difficulty focusing (βbrain fogβ) <i>- I work with music in the background. </i></p><p>Lack of motivation - <i>I force myself to do the things I lack motivation to do, I feel accomplished when I finish.</i></p><p>Dizziness -<i> Get up slow. No sudden movements</i></p><p>Sugar cravings -<i> I use those <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Trader-Joes-Chocolate-Covered-Espresso/dp/B009RS7VIK/ref=asc_df_B009RS7VIK/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=241977055433&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10833846154833135276&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9052911&hvtargid=pla-571287738903&psc=1" target="_blank">dark chocolate covered espresso beans</a>. A couple of those kills the craving</i></p><p>Nausea <i>- Sip water all day and slow the transition </i></p><p>Muscle cramps <i>- I stave this off with pickle juice</i></p><p><br /></p><p>Fortunately, this only lasts a few days to a couple of weeks. So far I have lost a total of 11 pounds since the beginning of the year. Could have been more if I would have just changed my entire lifestyle. That's okay, Gonna hit my goal weight before December 2022. </p><p><br /></p><p>Thanks for reading.</p><p><br /></p><p><i>MzNewy</i></p><p><i>Plan for tomorrow, but live in today.</i></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-85867732404767056522022-02-28T18:35:00.006-05:002022-03-01T16:27:05.791-05:00What's poppin'?<p> How's everything going? </p><p>Let's catch up on what's new with Newy....</p><p><br /></p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><br /></p><p><b><i>Career </i></b></p><p> Alright so I started my new gig. Yay!!! I love it. New job within my old organization. Long story short, I had accepted a new job somewhere else. I had interviewed for a job at my own organization way back in November but they were moving slow on the offer. Well, after the new job contacted them to negotiate a start date, they countered and I accepted. I love my organization but I wasn't being challenged in my last position. The work had gotten mundane because I had perfected some processes. This new position is kind of like the one I had 13 years ago...they know what they want, but not how to get there. There is no framework for it so it is challenging, but I am embracing the challenges. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><i><b>Situationships and such</b></i></p><p>So let me catch y'all up on the dating scene. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjX7ihOnW2y9TCcTqfa6KD2lw4YEx5VY7Ax9RKXsg2N140xedPywLsLyrOx33A8F01PjtDPNdZogi71QUdLVNqQ9QT7ZkOurWNYfu6EDPlrrLONwEru-OY1Wcm2f4LmfEB36AtkdAbYI2lWaX1NQqkJkrqjLZckbDSZBR_KYRg8FQAnaO09zkE=s1149" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="554" data-original-width="1149" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjX7ihOnW2y9TCcTqfa6KD2lw4YEx5VY7Ax9RKXsg2N140xedPywLsLyrOx33A8F01PjtDPNdZogi71QUdLVNqQ9QT7ZkOurWNYfu6EDPlrrLONwEru-OY1Wcm2f4LmfEB36AtkdAbYI2lWaX1NQqkJkrqjLZckbDSZBR_KYRg8FQAnaO09zkE=s320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>Jamaican Rum</i> - He has been calling again lately...bruh...I have left your city...so yeah..no. π <br />I mean I can tell when he has a lull in his dating realm, he starts calling again. I'm good on that. I don't go back; but we can be friends. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>Hey Mr. DJ -</i> first I treat you how I want to be treated, then I treat you how you deserve to be treated. <i>YOU</i> determine how you get treated. He would send those obvious cut and paste let me send this "Good morning, Beautiful" text . Finally I stopped replying. Like, "Take me out the rotation, Coach."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgbu7VpxiztCogXXLgTuw-kNhSWkvzAt_yL-NFVK5uusoHSrHIj2u6xaw8s12katrGQsd5C3WInkC8Dw99L_xyXgtx2ZKXsvCAruOMW9gTEpXHtZLgFKSPWrxnRpOAN4RpbgDboOWSziFoN45vjAP4x6NPyL9yO7n2TQRbcT5qvR9GZdc7bB8k=s498" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="278" data-original-width="498" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgbu7VpxiztCogXXLgTuw-kNhSWkvzAt_yL-NFVK5uusoHSrHIj2u6xaw8s12katrGQsd5C3WInkC8Dw99L_xyXgtx2ZKXsvCAruOMW9gTEpXHtZLgFKSPWrxnRpOAN4RpbgDboOWSziFoN45vjAP4x6NPyL9yO7n2TQRbcT5qvR9GZdc7bB8k=s320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The others : <i>Plumber, Music Man, HR, Pool Shark, Army, </i>and <i>Trucker </i>pretty much are on the back burner. I text back or answer calls if I am in the mood to be bothered. I had a rotation, you know, of folks I was getting to know, but they don't intrigue me and I feel bored and unmotivated to get to know them. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgrvOIkKb5KdP8B2XsVOLAZCta-rrS0NiUCqUBliz-acTrOohUBIsz88wojrPH0cIdbRZOteyfzkHaXqA3ymUJuq6_uBku8tzMzo-B-pz1jp3DA2KGhZMo28RKNA4k-dIXw4cT91-5BHxKOTuwtQqDxEFHYAv8jfZlJTqJj2mDtGDo2Hx5ZliM=s526" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="526" data-original-width="526" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgrvOIkKb5KdP8B2XsVOLAZCta-rrS0NiUCqUBliz-acTrOohUBIsz88wojrPH0cIdbRZOteyfzkHaXqA3ymUJuq6_uBku8tzMzo-B-pz1jp3DA2KGhZMo28RKNA4k-dIXw4cT91-5BHxKOTuwtQqDxEFHYAv8jfZlJTqJj2mDtGDo2Hx5ZliM=w320-h272" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now there is one promising one, <i>Card Shark</i>,...but we have a complicated situationship. You know dating post 50 is some bull shiggidy. What makes it so complicated is that your expectations are kind of high. Think about it, at this stage of the game, folks are accomplished. However, you still have guys that want you to have a Ph.D, nice ass, flat stomach, be a chef, porn star and a nurse, meanwhile his ass can't change a tire or a lightbulb has a receding hairline and challenged credit. One thing we have to do is realize that your body is changing, you can't catch what you did in your 20s...and if you do, they may only be trying to catch you for what you can do for them. Everyone isn't looking for love, some folks are looking for help. Remember when I told y'all I know I'm a <a href="https://mznewagenda.blogspot.com/2015/09/franchise-payer-or-nah.html" target="_blank">franchise player</a>? Well I meant that...I do not allow anyone to treat me as a bench warmer. We don't have a label, and don't put any demands on each other. Not sure where this will go or what it will be, I just know that we have great chemistry, can talk about anything and enjoy spending time together. Not ready to meet anyone in each other's circle though.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Remember...purposeful time only. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><b>Healthy choices</b></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So I bought a new treadmill. I'm on it...but not as much as I could/should be. Trying to get into a groove. Eating better and trying to get back to my fighting weight (lol). Well, tell me what's up with y'all. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thanks for Reading, </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>MzNewy.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-16180506535730927442022-01-12T08:32:00.006-05:002022-01-12T08:32:33.499-05:00Happy New Year<p> I have been meaning to blog for 12 days. I would think about it, but not be near my computer. Blogging from my phone is a no go for me...I need to type it out. </p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><br /></p><p>Where do I start? Hmmm So I have been reading this book <i>The Dream Giver</i> by Bruce Wilkinson. It's about a kid named <i>Ordinary</i> who lives in the land of <i>Familiar</i>. It pretty much sums up my life. Scared to make a move...then I make a move...but when it starts getting hard, I retreat back to the familiar. Let me explain. Since 2014 I have moved 8 times. Yep 8. Georgia ->VA->MD->GA->a different part of Atlanta-)MD->back to GA->Back to MD. I have been stuck. Career-wise and relationship-wise. I was dissatisfied with my job but scared to change jobs. I would half-heartedly look for another job and be almost relieved when I didn't get an interview. When things got difficult in either my career or relationships, I would move. I had a complicated relationship with myself. Oh and I would only rent in either city...cause I could bolt when I wanted to...until now. </p><p><br /></p><p>I released some things from my past. I called my ex-husband January 2021 and apologised for the way things ended. I then began to work on me and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, the choices I made and owned the decisions I have made (bad or good). I also owned my parenting mistakes. You know why I hung out in <i>Familiar</i>? I needed to heal. As long as I stayed in familiar surroundings (work, cities), I didn't have to grow. I knew how to navigate those areas, I knew what to do and not to do. </p><p><br /></p><p>I had to challenge myself to be better. I also had be ok with removing some folks from my life. Some of them I kept around because they had been there so long. Even though the relationships were toxic and not good for my mental health. I participated in the toxicity with my passive-aggressiveness. Saying "yes "when I really wanted to say "no" just because I wanted to be liked. I learned that folks can like what you do for them and not like you. So those that made me feel bad about myself have been removed from my life. Some of them are blood relatives. I feel better without the interactions with them. </p><p><br /></p><p>I also have been purposeful (lately) about who I spend time with. Time is more valuable than money. I would rather spend time alone with a book than be in a room full of folks to keep from being alone. Truth is I was often lonelier in a room full of people that I felt like I couldn't be myself with than I was when I was home alone. </p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway...not going to write a book for my first post in 3 years. I can't commit to everyday (starting a new job soon)...yes leaving my job after almost 13 years going to another unfamiliar place. I bought a house....not going anywhere anytime soon...I have planted myself back in Maryland. See you soon. </p>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-59550278631921823242019-05-01T18:08:00.002-04:002019-05-01T18:09:05.938-04:00Wind Down WednesdayGood evening, Bloggers.<br />
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It's been a dizzying few weeks. Work demands and trying to get ready for vacation. Plus it is now my birthday month. Yay for May!!!! So I am going to try to be in here at least once a week to recap the countdown to 49. I am really excited.<br />
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So Mr. Perfect and I have hit a rough patch. I think it's me. If you don't keep me engaged, I can become detached. I think I told you all about me being emotionally unavailable. Don't remember? Here is a refresher: I think that when it comes down to it, I can't emotionally commit to anyone. I have been burned so bad that I can have have fun with him, but I can't trust him ( no matter who the HIM is) enough to be vulnerable and emotionally available. So he has done some things that remind me of the ex-husband. so much so that I have begun to put some distance there. Although I have talked to him, I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. The bad thing is that I am totally ok with that. This week, the last time I talked to him was Monday evening. I got some things off my chest and then I went to bed. I will never make someone a priority if it feels like I am only an option. So anywho....another one bites the dust.<br />
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Truthfully, I think I was looking for a reason to get ghost. I am on my way to the Bahamas in a few days. Maybe I will feel different when I come back but I doubt it.<br />
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On the career front...I am looking for another job. I deserve a promotion and let's just say, it looks like I may have to leave to get it. I still love what I do but I have only about 12 more years before retirement so I am trying to get one more promotion then coast to retirement. I may have to go to another Agency to get it.<br />
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<br />Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-8225411048531627322019-04-15T06:31:00.000-04:002019-04-15T06:43:08.709-04:00Monday MusingsGood morning, Bloggers.<br />
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Happy Monday!<br />
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Let me recap the weekend. Hmmm Friday, I played my Wii for awhile then worked on my jigsaw puzzle while mulling over a glass of wine. Yep just a low key night in...ahhh I loved it. Being an empty nester is weird. I mean seriously, my identity for the last almost 30 years has been "Mom". My weekends were usually spent shuttling someone to an event, and downtime was almost non-existent. The funny thing is, because of all those years of always having to be "somewhere" or doing "something", I would rather not do ANYTHING when I have free time.<br />
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That's right...NO AGENDA.<br />
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Sounds funny coming from "MzNewAgenda". But that is my new agenda, to not have one...to wing it...to be spontaneous. </div>
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So Saturday, I spent time with my sister from another mother and her mom. More wine...more laughs and yep it was spontaneous. I got a call at noon "Hey I'll be out your way" my response...cool I have wine and will whip up some appetizers. </div>
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It was a great low key day. Then Sunday, I went to church...got a great Word...came home to a low key evening working on my puzzle. </div>
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No I didn't spend anytime with "him". He works some weekends. But you know, unlike the younger me who needed to fill all my time with someone in my space, the older me relishes alone time. I have always told you that I am an introvert with extrovert moments. </div>
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Make it a great day. </div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-81751170998318168492019-04-12T06:08:00.001-04:002019-04-12T06:09:03.909-04:00Friday FolliesGood morning, Bloggers.<br />
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I am notoriously silly.<br />
<a name='more'></a> Yes I said it. I am a practical joker who laughs loud and just loves to have fun...childish fun. Like throwing water balloons...prank calling family and friends...sending out not so politically correct jokes. What's funny is folks who know the "work" me would say "Not Newy! She is so by the book". <br />
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It is because I have to be so serious at work that I am a big ass kid at home. I'm a Wii junkie...yep, I will Micheal-Jackson-golf-bowling-monopoly you to death lol. So there the secret is out. I live for the weekends so I can be foolish...if only for a little while.<br />
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Happy Friday!!!!!<br />
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-50707460737763371642019-04-11T10:46:00.001-04:002019-04-11T10:46:59.044-04:00Throwback ThursdayGood morning, Bloggers...<br />
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Today, a gem came up in my timehop from 7 years ago. I remember exactly what was going on in my life when I said this:<br />
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<i>Sometimes God gives you what you THINK you want so you can see why it is NOT what you really NEED.</i><br />
<i>People change so you learn to let go; things go wrong so you appreciate when they are right; good things fall apart so better things can fall together. </i><br />
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My mom had passed 6 months prior to this and I was separated from my husband. I had cried and begged God for this man. We had been back and forth for YEARS. Yet, I couldn't see God was trying to protect me. When I finally married him, I promise you I was MISERABLE. God gave me what I wanted so I could see it was not what I needed. We were back and forth so much because we weren't compatible. I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole because I thought I could change him.<br />
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The funny thing is he was the same person all along. I just refused to see it. He didn't change. My perception did. I no longer looked at him through rose colored glasses. He is not a bad man, just not the right man for me. <br />
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I love that this marriage taught me how I want to be treated and how I to treat my king. I am grateful for the lesson and more importantly the Blessing from the lesson. I am so happy with where I am in life now.<br />
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Better things are falling together....<br />
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Make it a great day.<br />
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-86108057513671083392019-04-10T10:32:00.002-04:002019-04-10T10:33:45.590-04:00Wind Down Wednesday 2019Hey Family!!! Boy have I missed you....Well a bunch has changed since I was last here.<br />
Let's see...<br />
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So the "baby" turned 23 last year and I took him on a cruise to Cozumel in August. Actually, there were 18 of us that went on the cruise and we had a BALL!!!! We started the party in New Orleans that Saturday. Partied until Monday when our cruise pulled off and let's just say it was a trip none of us will soon forget. We celebrated a bunch of milestones: Survival, Anniversaries, Birthdays and of course Divorces ...LMAO </div>
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When I returned from the cruise, I realized that I wasn't happy with Atlanta anymore....So I decided to move back to where I was happiest. I packed and in 6 weeks...I was gone. Yep I moved back to Maryland. I post this on that Sunday night before I moved on Tuesday:</div>
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<i>The one thing that is constant is change....</i></div>
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<i>I moved to Atlanta the first time February, 1996. I moved here knowing one person and I was fresh out of the Navy with a 6 year old and a 6 month old. All I knew was that I had to make it for them. I have had some ups and downs in those 23 years, but Atlanta will always hold a special place in my heart. I had a bunch of milestones here:<br />I developed a personal relationship with Christ<br />I was baptized <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;"><br />I went to college and got 2 degrees<br />I built my first house<br />I got married<br />My sons finished school<br />I got my first corporate job<br />I got divorced <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t22/1/16/1f61e.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">π</span></span><br />I lost my mother <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t22/1/16/1f61e.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">π</span></span><br />I wrote my first play <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/tee/1/16/1f469_200d_1f3a8.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">π©βπ¨</span></span><br />I fell back into acting, writing and directing<br />I found the career that I love.</span></i></div>
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I left in 2014 when I was promoted. I moved away until 2016. These last few years have been rough. I came back to Atlanta and regrouped. But it is not the Atlanta I fell in love with in 1996. Sometimes we come back to the place that last felt comfortable when life gets hard. Uncomfortable is good. It means growth. A few friends and relatives have passed unexpectedly the past 7 years. I know that 7 is the number for completion. My time in Atlanta is complete. This is my last weekend in Atlanta. But Iβll see you again.</div>
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UPDATE TO ADD:</div>
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Some of you have asked why I focused on the last seven years. Seven years ago October 28, 2011 my mother passed away from terminal cancer. My life as I knew it changed. I changed. I had to get to know the me I became. And now I have. I was who I was, I am who I am, and I am cool with both of them. <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t75/1/16/1f618.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">π</span></span></div>
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I moved back to Maryland and I am dating a fabulous guy. </div>
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My heart is full. My sons still live in Atlanta and so does my sister. Life is good. </div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-87699152196669742612017-08-09T12:27:00.001-04:002017-08-09T12:29:51.724-04:00Wind down WednesdayGood morning, Bloggers.<br />
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I have missed you all but I have been very busy at work and on travel.....Let's see what's been going on....hmmm...<br />
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One of the minis turns 22 next week.<br />
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It seems like just yesterday he was a baby. It is really hard getting used to the fact they are grown men. *sigh* I went to St. Louis in June, DMV twice in July and last week. Work has been chaotic...but I love it....yep I still love what I do. </div>
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I let the petty spirit come over me when dealing with the ex. *sigh* Yes so...he did not take all his stuff when he left....and I hadn't seen him in 3 years. During the hearing he tried to get the judge to make me change my name....</div>
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Petty attack number one....I kept it because it bothered him and he thought he was going to MAKE me change it. LMAO.<br />
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WELL...our divorce was final in June. On the one month anniversary of the divorce, he sent a text asking for some stuff. After going back and forth....this was the second time the petty spirit came over me:<br />
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Ummm yeah...good thing we didn't have kids together. <br />
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Anyway....so I think I am going to buy another house here in Atlanta. Since I have been back, I have decided I really did miss being here. When I first moved back, I got an apartment because I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay here long term. Not only do I want to stay here, but I really need the write-off since both of my minis are grown. <br />
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Anyway...How's life treating you?<br />
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<i>Thanks for Reading....</i><br />
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<i>MzNewy</i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-30735814945546285322017-06-21T11:20:00.003-04:002017-08-09T12:29:36.081-04:00The Next Generation There are officially no children πΆ in our family. The last of the next generation, my niece, graduated last night. *sigh* It is bittersweet. Remember in my Father's Day post I said kids don't come with manuals? They don't, but my sister did a great job. She has always been a hands on parent. Even when she had health challenges of her own, she showed up for them.<br />
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She was a little older than I was when she had her first one. Maybe that made a difference. I mean I was 19 and barely in the real world π when I had my first son. She was 21 and had a chance to enjoy being a grownup. I was still childish and was still into pulling pranks etc.<br />
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When my niece came along I was older....still not a girlie girl but I got a chance to spoil her in spurts. Indulging her in things such as being a junior Falcon cheerleader and paying for dance lessons. I felt like she was my girl too as she stepped up to accept her invitation to adulthood. Proud yet sad π. The baton is set to be passed. We have helped them start to assemble the tools for their toolkit and we can on hope and pray that they seize the opportunity to make their marks in this world π. My niece is a huge Harry.Potter fan and her mortarboard reveals how she feels about crossing into adulthood:<br />
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You may have dreamed of being a wizard, a carefree teen, or even the next pop star. These things may never happen but you will always have to grow older....you either embrace the change of plans and make the best of it, or you go kicking and screaming. One things for certain and two things for sure it is going to happen. She now has her wings...it's time to fly.<br />
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<i>Thanks for reading.</i><br />
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<i>MzNewy</i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-19713750829456615952017-06-19T19:37:00.002-04:002017-08-09T12:30:23.130-04:00Monday MusingsMonday's used to bug me. I used to hate getting up and dragging back into the office. Then a few things happened. I realized if I changed my outlook I could change my attitude. I began to focus on what I liked about my office. That made me look forward to going. <br />
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Why did I call this Monday Musings? I have a friend who only has insomnia on work nights. I asked her did she like her job. She emphatically said NO. Now I'm no psychologist, but I know I had the same issue when I was in a job I detested. I hated the commute, the office politics, and the environment. I would have trouble sleeping and have to make that hour plus commute on very little sleep. I started to focus on what I liked (and it was hard to find things but I focused on the few bright spots.) It eased my anxiety somewhat until I could get another job.<br />
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In all situations now, I now try to think of the bright side.<br />
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I am grateful to do what I love for a living.<br />
I am grateful to have a job that allows me to meet my needs and indulge in some of my wants.<br />
I am grateful for co-workers with a great sense of humor.<br />
I am grateful for the "coffee club"<br />
I am grateful for a 10 minute commute.<br />
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Developing an attitude of gratitude helps me have a restful sleep on most nights.<br />
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<i>Thanks for reading. π</i><br />
<i>MzNewy</i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-79198708256777716652017-06-18T11:04:00.001-04:002017-08-09T12:29:21.983-04:00Father's DayOne thing losing my mom has taught me was to embrace the people in your life while they are here. I used to be angry with my parents for not being more like the TV πΊ parents. You know like in a Brady-bunch-Cosby sort of way. At least until I became a parent. Most things you get come with a manual that tells you what to do. Not kids. There is no class on how to be an awesome parent. It's trial by fire π₯. I would always say "I'm never going to do this when I am a mom" or "I'm going to always do that when I'm a mom." It did NOT work out that way.<br />
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I now understand that you do the best you can with the tools you have. I became a parent before I fully developed my toolkit. I made some mistakes but I love my kids.<br />
My dad wasn't affectionate but I know he loves me. My dad is from the era when men were providers and mothers were nurturers. I spent my teen years with my dad so I wasn't a girlie girl.<br />
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Then I went to the Navy and I became even less of a girlie girl. I talk too loud, I compound curse words with the best of them and when I come home from work I want an ice cold Bud.light Lime π. I am fiercely competitive and believe that results trump relationships any day. I'm the chic that would.punch you in the nose π when you call me a bitch rather than run π to the bathroom in tears π. The girlfriends I have in my circle have been there a very long time. They know who I am and love me anyway.<br />
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I used to wonder if my dad had taken me on dates rather than show me how to change a tire and flush the radiator, would I have turned out differently. I thought I wanted a girl when I was pregnant but God knew best. I wasn't equipped to raise a girl. So HE gave me two sons. And I did the best I could with the tools that I had to equip them for the world π.<br />
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And so did my Dad.<br />
So in honor of Fathers Day, here is a thank you list to my Dad.<br />
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Thank you for making me fearless enough to pursue careers that were predominantly male, letting me know that education was always my key π.<br />
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Thank you for making me independent enough to move to new cities π Without knowing a soul but able to get it done.<br />
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Thank you for making me diverse enough to thrive in boardroom or the hood.<br />
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Thank you for the travel bug, it made me not afraid to see new places.<br />
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Thank you for talking to the grownup me and showing me it is never too late to change.<br />
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Thank you for the great sense of humor and ability to laugh at myself.<br />
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Most of all, thank you for being my dad. No you aren't perfect, but you are mine.<br />
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<i>Thanks for reading π </i><br />
<i>MzNewy</i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-40190002847773692852017-06-16T17:02:00.003-04:002017-08-09T12:29:08.751-04:00The PaperIt's just a piece of paper. πIt really doesn't mean much but it means everything. There have been 3 years of cat and mouse. Three years of random text messages, sporadic emails and silence. More silence than anything. When you move, I move like a chess match. Each move strategically played.<br />
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No one wants to be first. Someone has to be first. The unspoken conversation that hung in the air like a thick fog...dense...hard to wade through....because no one wants to go first.<br />
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Sometimes in life you move too fast π¨ but yet it seems to be in slow motion. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was losing my mom. She was terminally ill. So I was grasping at straws...reaching for a lifeline. So I grabbed the closest hand π€πΎ and jumped. Hoping to climb out of the abyss but knowing I was leaping off a cliff without a parachute...yet I hoped for a soft landing.<br />
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It wasn't soft. It was hard... I violently fell into a dismal existence. Not wanting to be where I was but too scared to run π. I was a coward. So I threw myself into my work. I accepted a promotion and then I worked. I worked because I was a public success and a private failure. I'm great at my job. I can make the tough decisions and have the difficult conversations. I never miss a deadline. I do the hard stuff that no one else wants to...at least at work.<br />
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I am a private failure. I don't have good personal relationships. I can't say "this isn't working for me" so I ghost. Ghosting is a cowards way out. It also doesn't work. So I ghosted on him for 3 years.<br />
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Neither one of us wanted to go first. It was just a piece of paper π. Then I realized I was stuck. Stuck in 2011. Because I couldn't admit I made a mistake. We aren't good for each other. He was there when I was losing her...when I lost her, I lost a piece of me and he was a surrogate for what I lost.<br />
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I finally had the conversation, I finally got unstuck. And then I asked him to sign the piece of paper π. That piece of paper was really like a weight holding me back, keeping me stuck. Keeping me from living. Because as long as I had legal ties I was content to not create emotional ones. I was content to not live, to not feel. We signed the paper and went from we to me. Truthfully, there was never a we, there was me hiding from the pain of being a daughter who missed her mother. So now I am free to be the real me and to get busy living instead of just existing because of a piece of paper π.<br />
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<i>Thanks for reading.</i><br />
MzNewy<br />
πNewyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-10361517000004573032016-02-16T19:51:00.002-05:002017-08-09T12:30:47.159-04:00Is this thing on...Well...I don't have an excuse. I just haven't been inspired. I am still around. Still loving my job....and as much as I <u><i><b>LOVE</b></i></u> the DMV....umm this cost of living is a beast. So umm yeah...I am keeping my job but relocating back to ATL...working remotely from Atlanta, flying back to DC once a quarter. Sigh. I am happy...because I have missed Atlanta. <br />
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I enjoyed Christmas at the Harbor though....<br />
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Let's see...I was in a blizzard January 22...Stuck in the house until the 27th. Man, we had a crapload of snow. Yeah...me toasting my homegirl because it snowed so bad on the night of her bday...we all drank a toast to her from home at 7pm....yes...I got over 2 feet of snow in 24 hours...<br />
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I have gotten to the point where I <i>REALLY </i>enjoy my alone time. Not saying I don't like people, I just like curling up with a good book and my thoughts rather than having to be "on" all the time when around a bunch of folks. </div>
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The office I work in relocated temporarily to another building so I am moving twice in a month. </div>
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Moved my office...moving it again..and moving my apartment. Yeah this snow ish is for the birds. It was fun the first few times but that ish gets old being in the house for days at a time. </div>
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Me the first few times it first snowed------></div>
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Me now...whenever they say it is going to snow---------><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7KtWBls4aov2H6pgWsVS64DrzL-Q1H5KggYm60LKXGocSFdvFG_xHJVpJLeJy50khy6pN_Uky36U_c9OaugeuGsLwnQcUqL-siNaiJEEUVuP9E4qjmwzfNX5bi8nmJq6pWnVGDA/s1600/IMAGE%252471719D060A9A27A8.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7KtWBls4aov2H6pgWsVS64DrzL-Q1H5KggYm60LKXGocSFdvFG_xHJVpJLeJy50khy6pN_Uky36U_c9OaugeuGsLwnQcUqL-siNaiJEEUVuP9E4qjmwzfNX5bi8nmJq6pWnVGDA/s1600/IMAGE%252471719D060A9A27A8.gif" /></a></div>
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Yeah...I am so over it LOL. </div>
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I am almost completely packed though. I am not the last minute chic. I have almost everything packed up and ready to go...I have also thrown out a bunch of stuff and given away a lot. I did break down the other two bedrooms, and moved all the stuff up front. Come February 26, throw that stuff in the truck and chuck the dueces. I am living out of 3 rooms right now, master BR and Bath, and the kitchen. </div>
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Anywho...what's up with you all?</div>
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Thanks for reading.</div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">MzNewy</span></i></div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-23523137549549298662015-12-18T13:11:00.000-05:002015-12-18T13:11:08.064-05:00Happy HolidaysHi, Bloggers.<br />
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I haven't really been blogging....not for lack of trying...so many unfinished drafts.<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">MzNewy</span></i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-12965805450361905682015-10-25T17:45:00.001-04:002015-10-25T17:45:14.055-04:00AnniversaryThis year is easier than last year...and last year was easier than the year before....and I hate that. <a name='more'></a>Because that means I am getting used to you being gone. That means that time is mending my broken heart. I haven't heard your voice in four years. There are so many unfinished conversations, so many cups of coffee we won't get to share. My mom has been gone 4 years Wednesday. While I may function, I know exactly how long it's been. Four years have flown by. Four years, 12 seasons, 1461 days, 2,102,400 minutes.<div>
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In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights and cups of coffee...how do I measure a year? </div>
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Sleepwell, Mommie. </div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-34887550510650875472015-10-18T08:26:00.002-04:002015-10-18T08:26:44.329-04:00RefreshedGood morning, Blogland.<br />
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I was sitting here looking over my archives and I realized something.<br />
<a name='more'></a>I killed a blog before I came over here. I was on Blog-city.com from 2004 through 2010....Then I deleted that blog. I should have just moved it but I think I needed to start over fresh. Today is a slow day for me. I am sitting here at my second gig just waiting for the phones to ring.<br />
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So yeah I am on a dating hiatus now. I am working on a new play. AND...working on an entry to a contest. I am writing my first 30 second commercial. I think that I just need to retrigger my creative energy. So what is up with you all?<br />
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<i>MzNewy</i><br />
<br />Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-62909079859742067112015-10-07T07:17:00.000-04:002015-10-07T07:18:14.410-04:00Up for Air...dating chroniclesGood morning, Bloggers.<br />
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Yes I am still here. I haven't felt inspired to write lately. Let's see what's going on in my world.<br />
I am dating. STILL..... Why is it the guys start out good then fizzle?!?!? Maybe it's me. So let me tell you about the recent crew:<br />
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Music Man ~ I call him that because he is in the industry. Started out cool, went out a couple of times then he spent the last three weeks at gigs and in the studio. Yeah, well no one is that damn busy that they can't at least make a two minute phone call. <i>Status : On Ice </i><br />
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U.ber ~ I call him that because we met when I first moved up here last year and he had me take him to the airport for a business trip...I then picked him up from the airport and dropped him off at the train. Oh and he paid me for doing this. Then he disappeared...for months. When he resurfaced months later, he blamed it on school and a lost phone. LMAO I told him he treated me like U.ber and thus I named him that in my phone. <i> Status: He will never get out of the friend zone lmao</i><br />
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Dreamer ~ Newest in the crop. I mentioned in one of our earlier conversations that I love W.affle H.ouse, but the closest one to me is 42 miles away. One day it was raining etc. and he said he wanted to take me to eat. I told him I wasn't up for getting dressed up because it was nasty out. He insisted it was just a casual thing and picked me up, driving all the way to Wa.ffle H.ouse. Score one...so what is the problem? Well he tells tall tales...Nah fawk that...he lies. And about stupid shyt. I have no tolerance for that. What is worse is that I gave him a chance to come clean and he STILL lied. For example, we live in the DMV, a bunch of people I know who live in the city don't own cars. They use METRO, U.ber, Cabs or Zip.car. Well he picked me up in different cars each time and me, I am observant so I notice they were all Z.ipcars...not a big deal to me...the big deal is he brags about owning his own business and having several cars. So I finally said, "you know it's cool if you don't own a car." His response " I do..a white one and a green one." Not a make, not a model...a color... Boo bye. Wicho lying azz. <i>Status : Dismissed. Can't deal with a liar. </i></div>
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So yeah I hate this dating shyt. I am going to work on me. What's going on in your world?</div>
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Thanks for reading. </div>
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<i>MzNewy</i></div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-88021317230487331162015-09-19T16:13:00.003-04:002015-09-19T16:14:01.374-04:00Values<i>What do you value?</i> I heard this question posed in a movie and it made me think, what do I value? <br />
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I value honesty, love, feeling like someone wants me for me, family and most of all I value feeling significant in life. I keep focusing on how I got to this point in life where I have surrounded myself with people who do not value me. I have put people in my circle that I make a priority, yet they make me an option. I am lost. I have such superficial relationships. Folks in my circle who don't <strike>know </strike> care shyt about me. Like seriously, they don't know nor do they care to know about my dreams, my aspirations, my goals; it's all about what I CAN DO FOR THEM.<br />
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So I logged off FB...and a couple of other changes I made is I stopped initiating contact with folks. Yep I stopped being the one to start conversations, initiate phone calls and send out the "what's up" text messages. See, I reviewed my phone bill for the last month and I realized that most of the calls and messages were outgoing. No one is checking for me. Incoming are mostly return calls. <br />
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Self examination is a painful thing. Painful...but necessary. So tonight I have a date with me. I am taking me out to a movie. I am going to enjoy my own company. This incessant need to be connected to folks all the time has to be quenched. I am going back to doing what makes me happy. I am checking for me now. <br />
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MzNewy has to fall in love with me again. I let my failed marriage and lack of being in a committed relationship define me. It's weird, but I have lost my identity. I have to find me and fall in love with me...it starts with getting to know me from the inside out.<br />
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<i>MzNewy</i><br />
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<br />Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-49398600282959980612015-09-18T07:24:00.004-04:002015-09-18T07:33:27.381-04:00The object invoked has disconnectedI just need to get away from my thoughts. Some days I think I am ok, then I get a reminder that I am mentally fragile.<br />
<a name='more'></a>I was married for a short time. I <strike>loved him </strike> carried a torch for him since I was 27. He was so not good for me. Back then he cheated. I am going to be honest, I have an addictive personality. I often overindulge in ANY and EVERYTHING...I have this overwhelming need to WIN. Follow me here...so if I want cake, I can't have a slice, I have to eat the whole damn thing. If I want to go to the casino, I have to spend everything before I leave. If I want to have sex, I want to have it until I am physically exhausted. So it was no different with him. Even though I knew HE WAS NOT GOOD for me, I wanted to win him. We should have NEVER gotten back together and we definitely should not have gotten married. The problem with the addictive syndrome that I have is that it mimics bi-polar type syndrome...see if I am in, I am all in and I go hard for whatever it is I want...but then when I get it, I lose interest. I am either hot or cold. There is no warm, there is no middle ground...off or on...just like a light switch. That is why we shouldn't have gotten married. I just wanted to win. Then when I got the prize {him} I realized all these annoying azz things about him...and when he cheated, that was my out...the light switch went off. I couldn't bring myself to forgive him for cheating nor myself for marrying him. <br />
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Knowing this about myself, I decided to unplug for awhile. I <strike>was</strike> am a FB addict too...and that is not good for my mental. I know that folks only post the good going on in their lives but for me, a person who has an overwhelming need to win, I <strike>can't</strike> won't keep subjecting myself to the torture of feeling I don't measure up. So I disconnected. I didn't delete my profile, didn't post a "I'm deleting my account" send off status...No, I simply changed my profile picture to this<br />
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and logged off. </div>
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My geeks get it...I am an IT person first....so yes the object invoked {me} has disconnected from its clients {FB friends and followers}. I probably won't go back. When I first got on FB, I think it was 2007, I created an account then didn't log on for about a year and a half...right after my 20 year reunion in 2008, I started interacting with folks from high school on there. I got addicted to following what was going on in folks lives etc....and me, a person who use to THRIVE on anonymity, I began posting pictures and stuff ALL THE TIME....It was weird. I was posting stuff for accolades....so much so that I was also neglecting my blog. So I go from a person who liked the anonymity of a blog where I could share the real me to a character in one of my stories who only posted the flyest shyt...the most thought provoking 140 characters for likes and kudos. Who the fawk was I becoming?!?!?!?!?!?! This was crazy...and if I didn't get enough likes I would post again...it was too much. </div>
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So I am back blogging. The first thing I did was remove pictures of me and fade back to obscurity. I think that will help me write the way I use to...it will help me with the therapeutic need I had to blog. I am a mental mess. I have to get my shyt together. I don't want to go to a therapist I just want to write it out and see where this goes. *sigh* This is my space...my mental couch....and right now, I just need to lay on this couch and talk some shyt out. I don't know who reads me, and right now, it is not about that...I just need a place to mentally dump without feeling like I am being judged. </div>
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<i>MzNewy</i></div>
Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-61514342604714720712015-09-08T14:41:00.005-04:002015-09-08T14:42:17.648-04:00IndigoI was living in Atlanta in 2009. I had seen her at different poetry events around town.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Anika was just different...Her <a href="http://iniquitous1.blogspot.com/">blog </a>was a hodgepodge of everything...I met her on her blog before I ever met her in person...She was funny yet reflective, quiet, and determined. I didn't know she was sick. I would follow her blog faithfully. She was one of those prolific writers that would tell a story in a few entries. In April of 2009, she wrote :<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.7999992370605px;"><i>i never finish a story and now the blog is littered with the tombstones of tales who died prematurely because i psyched myself out of finishing them because i wanted the endings to be perfect or didn't know how to continue the telling. if you've been around from the beginning, you know the pattern. i'm good for one or two entries, then nothing. i know alot of it is because i'm putting so much pressure on myself. again, it's me trying to perform instead of me just writing. then there are the readers who tell me almost immediately after i start a story "shit, i don't know why i'm even reading this cuz you're not gonna finish it. LOL" they're right.</i></span></span><br />
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Her last post in August of 2009, was Nikki telling one of those stories you thought she would come back and finish...she never would. See on August 30, Nikki passed away. She was 38. I forgot her blog was on my blogroll (the one that I keep internally) and I stumbled across it. I choked back tears because for a minute, I forgot she was gone. Now I am upset at all the stories unfinished, I want to yell, <i> "But Nikki how does it end?!?!?" </i> Then I look at the top... This is how it ends... It's Indigo...the trail of her thoughts and she ends the title with "<i>I FONDLE MY IMAGINATION UNTIL EXPLOSION, THE REMNANTS FOREVER STAINING YOUR MEMORY" </i></div>
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Yes, Nikki, you are correct, the remnants forever stain my memory. RIP, Nikki, till we meet again. </div>
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Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-24777287877416824322015-09-08T13:00:00.000-04:002015-09-10T09:28:45.380-04:00Franchise Player or NahSo I have found another new blog....<a href="http://nvfreckles.blogspot.com/">Freckles </a>. <br />
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Freckles was talking about her <a href="http://nvfreckles.blogspot.com/2015/09/mo-to-my-jo-part-1.html">MOJO</a>...and within that post, she referred to one of her old posts about being a <a href="http://nvfreckles.blogspot.com/2010/09/she-as-his-franchise-player.html">Franchise Player</a>....well I started thinking...I KNOW I am a franchise player. Somehow though, in my dating life, I was allowing folks to treat me like a free agent while giving them franchise player benefits. Oh come on, you know<b><i> exactly</i></b> what I mean. <br />
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There were guys who called sporadically, didn't put a title to our situation yet, I acted as if I were under contract and would get pissed when I got traded. Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, giving out the cookies without the ring...yeah. Been there done that. But you know how I know I am a franchise player? I have all the qualities of a franchise player : loyal, supportive, smart, sexy, well-rounded, sharp, and a ride-or-die. <br />
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So what was the problem? I am glad you asked. I was playing for scrimmage teams. Yep settling for the practice squad. Then I recognized that just because the team owner doesn't recognize my franchise qualities, doesn't mean I have to keep playing for that team. <br />
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<a href="http://www.gradydoctor.com/2015/08/when-somebody-loves-you-back.html">Doc </a> said something that struck a cord with me...she was talking about a conversation she had with her sister and she said <i>"It shouldn't be this hard.....This is too hard...There's too much to understand and too much that requires a disclaimer. You're too good for this. You deserve a man who is <b>checking for you</b>. And this dude isn't <b>checking for you</b>. Not like he should if he really wants to be with you....When someone is <b>checking for you</b>...It isn't grey...It's pretty obvious." </i><br />
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Her blog was the first time I heard that term. When you are a franchise player playing on the right team, it won't be that hard. He will be checking for you, and you will be checking for him. When you have a quality franchise player, you will trade in all your draft picks and you won't be all in the free agency looking to see what is out there.<br />
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Since I now recognize my value as a franchise player, I am no longer entertaining those that treat me as a free agent. I deserve better. Everyone wants someone that makes them feel special. This weekend, I realized I acted like a franchise player on a scrimmage team, so I benched myself. I would rather not play. Hmmmm....I wonder when he will realize I have exercised my right to become a free agent and I am no longer checking for him?<br />
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<i>MzNewy</i>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21803036.post-71190764104390831482015-09-01T06:48:00.002-04:002015-09-01T06:50:23.919-04:00Empathy...I get it nowOne of the most fascinating blogs I have found is written by a Grady Doctor in Atlanta. <br />
<a name='more'></a> She recently had a post entitled <a href="http://www.gradydoctor.com/2015/08/the-pied-piper-of-empathy.html">The Pied Piper of Empathy.</a> I want you to read it, but this excerpt sums it up for me:<br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.6099996566772px; line-height: 18.9149990081787px;"><i>This idea of disease hierarchy and how some illnesses we throw our shoulders back to salute and how others get a head nod and that's it. I asked her thoughts on how cancer especially wins when it comes to that and why that was. And her take on it is that no person is exempt from the potential cancer diagnosis. She said, for this reason, perhaps, we all revere it.... So the Pollyanna positive girl in me has decided that this speaks to some innate thread of good in all of human kind. And how, as awful as cancer can be, it's amazing that there exists something that stands out as a pied piper for humanism and care for human suffering made palpable.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.9149990081787px;">The article is thought provoking. I agree with her observations. I KNEW my mom was getting older. But that didn't make me spend any extra time with her. I mean my mom had diabetes and hypertension which were manageable through medication. I never thought that I would lose her although statistically you have a greater chance of dying from either of those diseases than even getting cancer. I am not proud of this, but I almost blew off her 65th birthday to audition for a show. I figured she would have other birthdays, other milestones. But there was a tug in me that wouldn't let me miss it...and I am glad I didn't. See she talked about that birthday road trip until the day she died. None of us knew that would be her last birthday. Less than 2 months later we got the diagnosis : pancreatic cancer. My siblings and I were known to go months without speaking. Not this time. We rallied the troops...took turns going to the doctor and chemo with her. Spent every weekend together for 6 months. Something about cancer is you know that cancer is no punk....it makes the strong weak, silences the loudest mouth. But mostly, it binds folks together because we know that this is one disease that you can't prevent. Yep cancer is one disease that doesn't respect race, age, sex, status, or religion....it's an equal opportunity ass whooping.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.9149990081787px;"><i>Go check out the Grady Doc...and thanks for reading.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.9149990081787px;"><i>MzNewy</i></span></span>Newyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01246156418638539460noreply@blogger.com2