Speed limit year....55

 

Trauma

 Hey y'all.  What's popping?

So I have been in active therapy for a minute.  Finally dealing with my demons and shit. I have realized that in order to move forward, I have to heal that little girl inside.  I also follow this world renowned trauma specialist, Dr. Gabor Mate', and this quote has stuck with me: 

Mother's Day...Again

 I absolutely hate Mother's Day.  😥

Happy New Year

 I have been meaning to blog for 12 days.  I would think about it, but not be near my computer.  Blogging from my phone is a no go for me...I need to type it out.  

Throwback Thursday

Good morning, Bloggers...

Today, a gem came up in my timehop from 7 years ago.  I remember exactly what was going on in my life when I said this:

Values

What do you value?  I heard this question posed in a movie and it made me think, what do I value?

Ahhhh....it's 1991 again

I was transported back to 91 again this weekend. I debated whether to write about this. So Back in 1991, I was in love with "Philly". At that time, I was active duty and was stationed on a ship that went in the shipyards in Philadelphia.  I met Philly a little before that (sometime in 1990) when I was stationed in Norfolk and burning up the highway between PA and VA since that is where my mom lived.  So while I was stationed at home, we became inseparable.

I have a Dream

Happy MLK Day, Bloggers!

Everything that has been accomplished started with a dream.  Think about it...

• The Wright brothers, dreamed of flying, their dream changed travel as we know it.  Where it used to take weeks to get somewhere by boat, it now takes hours by flight.
• Henry Ford dreamed of a faster way to get around than horse and buggy, cars and motorized transportation are now a part of our everyday lives. 

Martin Luther King had a dream, too.  While on the surface, it may seem as if we have achieved his dream, we really haven't.  We still don't have total equality.  Men and women are still treated different in the workplace.  There is still disparity in pay whether by gender, race or sexual orientation.  Yes, we do have a black president, but there are still those who won't judge him on the content of his character because they can't get pass the color of his skin.   Instead of focusing on what he has accomplished, they focus on what is still messed up.  Truth be told, it is stuff that was raggedy when he took office but those who want to show him in a negative light won't acknowledge that part.  There are still those that have a voice and a vote in congress that would rather see the country go down in flames than support an idea put on the table by Barack Obama.  Yes, we have come a long way since Martin had a dream, but we still have a very long way to go. 

I will leave you with one of my most requested spoken word pieces :

Color of Skin

GIPSEE 

_{Copyright © 2004}

You put on your fancy suits and ties,

And think that makes you different in their eyes?

Doesn’t matter that you speak eloquently

Doesn’t matter how many degrees

Or how you try to appease…

You’re living in a fantasy…

But you don’t have to take it from me…

Society doesn’t care what’s within…

They still look at the color of your skin.

Walking around like a corporate clone

Like you belong

Look at every milestone…

What about the chances you have blown…

To strengthen your backbone

Who coulda’ known

That you weren’t  so strong?

When your life hit a tailspin

Looking where you have been

You realize it’s still the color of your skin.

You are naïve

If you believe

That as equal you can even be perceived

Your freedom they still bereave

When you long to be free

Are you any different from me?

Look at it through thick and thin

It still the color of your skin.

Working in the fields you don’t do

But you still don’t have a clue

From the cradle to the grave

You are still just a slave.

Instead of whips and chains

They use your desire to obtain

What you think are the same

Rights in the game

But the fact remains, lamebrain,

All they hold for your is disdain

Are you insane?

In spite of your chagrin…

It is still the color of your skin.

Dreams and Visions

Hey blogland!

I was sitting here thinking about my dreams. Actually, to be honest it started with me thinking about my vision board. Last year I went to a "Vision Board" party.
First, a Vision Board is made up of pictures, words or symbols cut out of a magazine to symbolize what you want to achieve that year.


Let me tell you about some of my "Visions"

1) I had a small simple string of words "How I came to terms with my mother." This was done in January 2011...long before we knew my mom was sick and certainly before we knew she was terminal. I had some unresolved "mommy" issues. I always thought my mom was hard on me and just didn't "get me" and was "unsupportive" of my acting dreams. Well I was able to talk to her in depth during her last few months and found that not only did she support me, she was my biggest fan. Telling anyone who would listen about me. It just goes to show that perception is not always reality. I spent all those years thinking my mom didn't really like me and the reality of it was she loved me so much she was hard on me when she knew I could do better.


2) There was a picture of a car surrounded by people with "Just Married" on the back and there was an engagement ring somewhere on the board. This was strange because at the time, I was single. But this was part of my vision that last year I would meet my husband. I know you are probably thinking I just wanted this to come true and so I got married. Not true at all. In fact, I am one of those "I would rather never be married than married and divorced" folks. I have been asked before (at least 4 times) it just never felt right until now. What is so weird is I did my vision board in January and did EXACTLY what you are not supposed to do...I rolled it up and put it out of sight and out of mind. The whole purpose is so you can visualize things you want to achieve. I reconnected with the love of my life from my 20s. It's not like we ever lost touch, we just reconnected romantically. We remained friends after dating for 3 years. Last year we realized we were better together and we got married on Sept. 23rd.

3) There was a director's chair. I'm still striving on the acting front but when my mom was sick I put that on hold. After my mom passed, I threw myself back into work and acting. I was a stage manager for a play in December and have been writing a bit more. I eventually want to write and direct thus the director's chair. I have some exciting things that I am working on but until they come to fruition I have to sit on them.

4) There were pictures of family all over my board...oddly I didn't include my mom. I didn't realize it until I pulled my board out for review. There was also a picture of a stopwatch and the words "Time for what's important" As a family we spent ALOT of time together in 2011. We reprioritized our lives to take care of mom and spent time making lasting memories. This was something that had been missing. Through my mom's illness, we grew closer as a family.

5) There was a picture of some steps carpeted with money. I had no idea I was going to get married and move. The house I had built and called home for the last 9 years is now investment rental property. My financial house seems to be even more clear now. It's all about being debt free while maintaining a decent lifestyle. It's about having money to take care of our needs, some of our wants and having a decent savings account.


I was reading a quote I saw somewhere "A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement. "

See it was a vision, just a mere dream and a Japanese proverb says "Vision without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare." Unknowningly, I plotted the course for 2011 with my "Vision Board". So 2012, I am going to sit down and do the same. I am going to think of what I want to accomplish.

One thing I can say is that other than those that attended the "Vision Board" party (8 folks total and none involved in my day-to-day life) no one knew about my vision board. Why? You can't share your dreams with everyone. Some folks are dream killers and sometimes a dream can only survive if you carefully nurture it alone, watering it and lovingly pruning the branches. Dream killers are those who tell you why it won't work and how you can't accomplish it, often because they have no drive to achieve dreams of their own.

What everyone needs, regardless of his/her job or the kind of work he/she is doing, is a vision of what his place is and may be. As for me, I need an objective and a purpose. I need a feeling and a belief that I have some worthwhile thing to do. What this is no one can tell me or you. It must be your own creation. Its success will be measured by the nature of your vision, what you have done to equip yourself, and how well you have performed along the line of its development. Don't allow anyone to be your measuring stick, for you and you alone know whether you have failed or succeeded.

This has been another Newy perspective.