Happy New Year

 I have been meaning to blog for 12 days.  I would think about it, but not be near my computer.  Blogging from my phone is a no go for me...I need to type it out.  

Where do I start?  Hmmm So I have been reading this book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson.  It's about a kid named Ordinary who lives in the land of Familiar.  It pretty much sums up my life.  Scared to make a move...then I make a move...but when it starts getting hard, I retreat back to the familiar. Let me explain.  Since 2014 I have moved 8 times.  Yep 8. Georgia ->VA->MD->GA->a different part of Atlanta-)MD->back to GA->Back to MD.  I have been stuck.  Career-wise and relationship-wise.  I was dissatisfied with my job but scared to change jobs.  I would half-heartedly look for another job and be almost relieved when I didn't get an interview. When things got difficult in either my career or relationships, I would move.  I had a complicated relationship with myself.  Oh and I would only rent in either city...cause I could bolt when I wanted to...until now.  

I released some things from my past.  I called my ex-husband January 2021 and apologised for the way things ended. I then began to work on me and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, the choices I made and owned the decisions I have made (bad or good).   I also owned my parenting mistakes.  You know why I hung out in Familiar?  I needed to heal.  As long as I stayed in familiar surroundings (work, cities), I didn't have to grow.  I knew how to navigate those areas, I knew what to do and not to do. 

I had to challenge myself to be better.  I also had be ok with removing some folks from my life.  Some of them I kept around because they had been there so long.  Even though the relationships were toxic and not good for my mental health.  I participated in the toxicity with my passive-aggressiveness.  Saying "yes "when I really wanted to say "no" just because I wanted to be liked.  I learned that folks can like what you do for them and not like you.  So those that made me feel bad about myself have been removed from my life.  Some of them are blood relatives.  I feel better without the interactions with them.  

I also have been purposeful (lately) about who I spend time with.  Time is more valuable than money.  I would rather spend time alone with a book than be in a room full of folks to keep from being alone.  Truth is I was often lonelier in a room full of people that I felt like I couldn't be myself with than I was when I was home alone. 

Anyway...not going to write a book for my first post in 3 years.  I can't commit to everyday (starting a new job soon)...yes leaving my job after almost 13 years going to another unfamiliar place.  I bought a house....not going anywhere anytime soon...I have planted myself back in Maryland. See you soon.