About Me

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Mother of 2, Child of God in Atlanta "They always ask me if I make it am I going to forget about them, but the question is, if I don't make it will they forget about me?" My spin : RealTalk When u are up everyone wants to hang on, but look for the ones that let you lean on when you are down. Remember...don't just look for me when I am up, support me when I'm down. ♥ In prosperity, your friends know you, in adversity, you know your friends. I asked God for strength, I got adversity. I asked God for wisdom, I was made a fool of. I asked for patience, I had a difficult relationship. I looked back, He gave me what I asked for. Adversity showed me I was stronger than I thought; being a fool opened my eyes to discernment making me wise; the difficult relationship showed me that patience is earned not given. Blessings come in many forms, not all of them recognizable.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

****UPDATE***** on the play and life

Venue - Check...decided to go with Georgia Tech versus 14th street Playhouse for a variety of reasons:
  • Parking. Parking is horrible and costly. So folks may be reluctant to come for that reason.
  • Rehearsals - I need to have some rehearsal in the venue. They  wanted the same amount of money for rehearsal days as show days, yet I only had limited hours I could use it.
  • Promotion limitations - I had to sell my tickets through the WA Center only. I was limited in how many comp tickets I gave away. That's bull considering I am paying for the use of the facility
  • No lavalier mics nor spotlight at 14th street.
Cast - Check. All those I reached out to for the specific parts I had in mind for them confirmed!
Script - almost check - That's right ya'll I wrote an hour and some change play in about 24 hours! What God has for you is for you!! The words came faster than I could type.
Promotions - One of my cast members has some friends that are graphic artists. They are going to type set my promo cards.
Show date is June 2nd! Watch God move!
I have a brighter outlook on life in general. I am still unplugged. But through being unplugged, I can really hear from God. Thank you Anonymous. Thank you for your prayers. I know they were true and heartfelt because you remained anonymous, not seeking Glory for self but sincerely praying for a fellow believer.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Unplugged

I realize that constant communication is hindering my healing.  So I have deleted the following :
  • Facebook ~ the constant updates from others, the reminders of his infidelity, the connection with distant relatives who keep asking "how are you (regarding my mom) is just too much.
  • My primary cell that I have had for over 8 years...I send all the calls to vm and have an auto-reply turned on for texts.  Even those who have the privilege of having my "other" cell number are getting auto replies if any.
  • Emails...only business emails and the gmail that I have given to a couple of my fellow bloggers.  The rest of them, chucking deuces at them for now.
So while I am unplugged, what am I doing?  Writing a stageplay.  I am pouring my all into this play.  I will give you more info as I find a location, casting is complete and rehearsals have begun.  Blogger is my little secret world the "real life" folks know nothing about .  You all are my refuge right now.

*Update I am going to put it on at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta.  I have my cast in my head.  Going to reach out to them and see who is available. and when.  Paying for it out of pocket so I hope I make a dime.  LOL  If not the therapy is still worth it all.*

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dreams

I have been having this dream about packing and/or unpacking stuff for about 3 months.  I didn't know what it meant so I finally went and looked it up.  When I read this, I was in shock:

Packing
To dream that you are packing signifies big changes ahead for you. You are putting past issues to rest or past relationships behind you. Alternatively, it represents the burdens that you carry.

To dream that you are packing, unpacking and packing and unpacking again represents chaos in your life. You are feeling overwhelmed with the various things you are juggling in your life. You are carrying around too many burdens and need to let go. Consider what unfinished business you have to tend to. Try to resolve these issues so they can finally be put to rest.

I do have a bunch of burdens I am carrying...unresolved daddy issues, inability to accept mom's death, unhappiness in my marriage.  When I looked at my post about time, I realize that the situation was not really about time as it was about control.  Right now, I feel like I have no control over anything in my life. Since I don't have an appetite anyway, I have begun to fast so that I can hear from God.  Fasting and praying....

Matthew 6: 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. 9 "This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10 your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. ' 14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 16 "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you

It is amazing that my unofficial fasting began before Lent.  I have no doubt that I will hear from Heaven.  Be Blessed.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Look To You

I have pretended long enough. I have had on the "strong face", the Christian "she is outta pain" face, and the "I know I will see her again face". Today I give God my real face, after all I was only fooling myself anyway. God, I am lost. I feel like I have been through so much in the last 12 months. As Whitney says "I'm lost without a cause...I've given it my all....After all that I've been through...who on earth can I turn too?" My strength is gone. God, I am looking for the footprints in the sand because right now I can't go on.

Those I thought I could lean on are only here with ulterior motives. I have no one here for me yet I am always the shoulder for everyone else. Where is my shoulder when I need it????? Lord I am crying out to you.

Today I can't keep on the face anymore. I have not really mourned my mom...trying to be strong but I am not strong...I am just a daughter who misses my mother. My levees are broken and all my walls are down. Lord you know just how much I am going through right now. I am broken, my marriage is in shambles and I am tormented.
I have no choice...I look to You. I can't let the enemy put me in despair to the point that I don't want to be here any longer. I can't eat. I can't sleep. When I do sleep, I just want to never wake up. Lord help me. I need you more than ever now.



Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Leaving before I hate you

Sometimes, we stay with someone hoping the love will allow us to get it together.  I have learned one valuable lesson though : Leave before you hate them.  Seriously.  When you get to the point where you may despise someone that is not a good thing.  I know me and I know that indifference proceeds despising.  That is where I am.