About Me

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Mother of 2, Child of God in Atlanta "They always ask me if I make it am I going to forget about them, but the question is, if I don't make it will they forget about me?" My spin : RealTalk When u are up everyone wants to hang on, but look for the ones that let you lean on when you are down. Remember...don't just look for me when I am up, support me when I'm down. ♥ In prosperity, your friends know you, in adversity, you know your friends. I asked God for strength, I got adversity. I asked God for wisdom, I was made a fool of. I asked for patience, I had a difficult relationship. I looked back, He gave me what I asked for. Adversity showed me I was stronger than I thought; being a fool opened my eyes to discernment making me wise; the difficult relationship showed me that patience is earned not given. Blessings come in many forms, not all of them recognizable.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Next Generation

There are officially no children πŸ‘Ά in our family. The last of the next generation, my niece, graduated last night. *sigh*  It is bittersweet. Remember in my Father's Day post I said kids don't come with manuals? They don't, but my sister did a great job. She has always been a hands on parent. Even when she had health challenges of her own, she showed up for them.

She was a little older than I was when she had her first one. Maybe that made a difference. I mean I was 19 and barely in the real world 🌎 when I had my first son. She was 21 and had a chance to enjoy being a grownup. I was still childish and was still into pulling pranks etc.

When my niece came along I was older....still not a girlie girl but I got a chance to spoil her in spurts. Indulging her in things such as being a junior Falcon cheerleader and paying for dance lessons. I felt like she was my girl too as she stepped up to accept her invitation to adulthood. Proud yet sad 😭. The baton is set to be passed. We have helped them start to assemble the tools for their toolkit and we can on hope and pray that they seize the opportunity to make their marks in this world 🌎.  My niece is a huge Harry.Potter fan and her mortarboard reveals how she feels about crossing into adulthood:

You may have dreamed of being a wizard, a carefree teen, or even the next pop star.  These things may never happen but you will always have to grow older....you either embrace the change of plans and make the best of it, or you go kicking and screaming. One things for certain and two things for sure it is going to happen.  She now has her wings...it's time to fly.


Thanks for reading.

MzNewy

Monday, June 19, 2017

Monday Musings

Monday's used to bug me.  I used to hate getting up and dragging back into the office.  Then a few things happened. I realized if I changed my outlook I could change my attitude. I began to focus on what I liked about my office.  That made me look forward to going.

Why did I call this Monday Musings?  I have a friend who only has insomnia on work nights. I asked her did she like her job. She emphatically said NO.  Now I'm no psychologist, but I know I had the same issue when I was in a job I detested. I hated the commute, the office politics, and the environment.  I would have trouble sleeping and have to make that hour plus commute on very little sleep. I started to focus on what I liked (and it was hard to find things but I focused on the few bright spots.) It eased my anxiety somewhat until I could get another job.

In all situations now, I now try to think of the bright side.

I am grateful to do what I love for a living.
I am grateful to have a job that allows me to meet my needs and indulge in some of my wants.
I am grateful for co-workers with a great sense of humor.
I am grateful for the "coffee club"
I am grateful for a 10 minute commute.

Developing an attitude of gratitude helps me have a restful sleep on most nights.


Thanks for reading. πŸ“–
MzNewy

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Father's Day

One thing losing my mom has taught me was to embrace the people in your life while they are here.  I used to be angry with my parents for not being more like the TV πŸ“Ί parents. You know like in a Brady-bunch-Cosby sort of way.  At least until I became a parent. Most things you get come with a manual that tells you what to do. Not kids. There is no class on how to be an awesome parent. It's trial by fire πŸ”₯.  I would always say "I'm never going to do this when I am a mom" or "I'm going to always do that when I'm a mom." It did NOT work out that way.

I now understand that you do the best you can with the tools you have. I became a parent before I fully developed my toolkit.  I made some mistakes but I love my kids.
My dad wasn't affectionate but I know he loves me. My dad is from the era when men were providers and mothers were nurturers.  I spent my teen years with my dad so I wasn't a girlie girl.

Then I went to the Navy and I became even less of a girlie girl. I talk too loud, I compound curse words with the best of them and when I come home from work I want an ice cold Bud.light Lime πŸ‹.   I am fiercely competitive and believe that results trump relationships any day.   I'm the chic that would.punch you in the nose πŸ‘ƒ when you call me a bitch rather than run πŸƒ to the bathroom in tears 😭.   The girlfriends I have in my circle have been there a very long time. They know who I am and love me anyway.

I used to wonder if my dad had taken me on dates rather than show me how to change a tire and flush the radiator, would I have turned out differently.  I thought I wanted a girl when I was pregnant but God knew best. I wasn't equipped to raise a girl. So HE gave me two sons. And I did the best I could with the tools that I had to equip them for the world 🌎.

And so did my Dad.
So in honor of Fathers Day, here is a thank you list to my Dad.

Thank you for making me fearless enough to pursue careers that were predominantly male, letting me know that education was always my key πŸ”‘.

Thank you for making me independent enough to move to new cities  πŸŒƒ Without knowing a soul but able to get it done.

Thank you for making me diverse enough to thrive in boardroom or the hood.

Thank you for the travel bug, it made me not afraid to see new places.

Thank you for talking to the grownup me and showing me it is never too late to change.

Thank you for the great sense of humor and ability to laugh at myself.

Most of all, thank you for being my dad. No you aren't perfect, but you are mine.

Thanks for reading πŸ“– 
MzNewy

Friday, June 16, 2017

The Paper

It's just a piece of paper. πŸ“It really doesn't mean much but it means everything.  There have been 3 years of cat and mouse. Three years of random text messages, sporadic emails and silence. More silence than anything.  When you move, I move like a chess match. Each move strategically played.

No one wants to be first. Someone has to be first. The unspoken conversation that hung in the air like a thick fog...dense...hard to wade through....because no one wants to go first.


Sometimes in life you move too fast πŸ’¨ but yet it seems to be in slow motion. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was losing my mom. She was terminally ill. So I was grasping at straws...reaching for a lifeline.  So I grabbed the closest hand 🀚🏾 and jumped. Hoping to climb out of the abyss but knowing I was leaping off a cliff without a parachute...yet I hoped for a soft landing.

It wasn't soft. It was hard... I violently fell into a dismal existence. Not wanting to be where I was but too scared to run πŸƒ.  I was a coward. So I threw myself into my work. I accepted a promotion and then I worked. I worked because I was a public success and a private failure.  I'm great at my job. I can make the tough decisions and have the difficult conversations. I never miss a deadline. I do the hard stuff that no one else wants to...at least at work.

I am a private failure. I don't have good personal relationships. I can't say "this isn't working for me" so I ghost. Ghosting is a cowards way out. It also doesn't work.   So I ghosted on him for 3 years.

Neither one of us wanted to go first. It was just a piece of paper πŸ“. Then I realized I was stuck. Stuck in 2011. Because I couldn't admit I made a mistake. We aren't good for each other. He was there when I was losing her...when I lost her, I lost a piece of me and he was a surrogate for what I lost.

I finally had the conversation, I finally got unstuck. And then I asked him to sign the piece of paper πŸ“. That piece of paper was really like a weight holding me back, keeping me stuck. Keeping me from living.  Because as long as I had legal ties I was content to not create emotional ones. I was content to not live, to not feel.  We signed the paper and went from we to me. Truthfully, there was never a we, there was me hiding from the pain of being a daughter who missed her mother. So now I am free to be the real me and to get busy living instead of just existing because of a piece of paper πŸ“.


Thanks for reading.
MzNewy
😘